Dear Forever friend,
Life and death are never fair. The shittiest promise ever kept is death, and the cruelest are the sudden ones. The unexpected ones. The tear them away from us ones without any notice first.
Last week was sudden & shocking. Heartbreaking doesn't cut it, I know girl. Grieving is hard, and I know that, anything I say will not free you from the sorrow that you are enduring and truth be told, right now, you’re anything but close to feeling or being “normal”. You can disagree but, I’ve known you long enough to know!
And, I can’t do the whole, “cook or bake” you some kind of delicious, comfort food and bring it down to you —I can’t cook or bake... hell girl, I can’t even get into my own kitchen to do so😅! I think I’d be a shitty cook anyway! & I even looked at the bunches of pretty flowers that are on display at countdown, but girl... I had already paid all of my bills that day so, #NUKTHEPOOTZ😅 (Only you'll crack up at me saying that!)
But girl, I do promise that, I’ll be a great distraction for when you need to escape from being all up in your feelings. And I’m not going to tell you that “I’m sorry for your loss”, you haven’t lost him, girl —you know where he is! Doesn’t change the fact that, this shit sucks and nothing will unsuck it.. not now, not ever. Find comfort in knowing that, the last conversation you had with each other ended in “I love you’s”, not everyone got this luxury!
And there’s going to be days where you’ll have high’s & lows. Some will be so low that, you’ll find yourself a blabbering mess or even just angry at nothing, but everything because you’ve had not ONE, but both precious taonga taken from you. Kind of fucking impossible to fathom... I told you, this blows my damn mind!! I’m just here to remind you though, that; I got your back sis! Even if you just want to talk and I sit & listen —I can totally sit, i’m really good at that, and I can totally listen☺️🖤
Umm, I can't promise I'll be quiet in the cheap seat... you know me girl & you know I might give unwanted, unfiltered opinions --no words-of-wisdom, probably more annoying (not on purpose) than anything, just know, it comes from a good place. But, I also know, you'll tell me how-it-is too! & that's okay! I'm prepared to catch feelings, possibly even be offended hahaha! & that's okay too!
Don't worry girl, I wont justify your words with your grief --that's just you! A strong, opinionated bitch :)
I can feel your eyes roll as I typed all that hahaha! Keep rolling them, bitch! <^>(-,-)<^>
There will also be days where, you’ll feel on top of the world, and all you wana do is share those moments with him/both of them, but you know you can’t... & yes, this is true but only in the physical.
You and I both know —they’re with you through it all. Feeling doesn’t always mean physical. Their voices still exist in your mind, their unconditional love still flood your heart, memories will always be a film you get to re-visit and watch whenever you need/want! Their advice, their teachings, their habits, their parenting, their skills —you’ll carry with you for the rest of your life.
To be honest, I don’t know where I’m going with this letter, but let’s just treat it as a distraction. Maybe it'll help cheer you up? Maybe it'll fill a void for 5 seconds?! That's long enough to let yourself breeaaatthhheeee for a sec.
I don't want to be cringe or clichè and tell you "time heals all or it gets easier over time" ---I hate that shit!
I can't fix or change the absence feeling, but I can fill it with time & friendship. No sappy shit, I know you loathe sappy!
Just know girl, I'm a video call/text/just-up-the-road away, here for you, For always, forever friend!!!