WOW! We are a day or two away from going into the fourth - YUP, fourth month of 2017, mate! Can these months slow their bloody role! I'm turning thirty...uhh?!...gulp... 31 in April and NO! I'm not okay with that!
Anyway!! my age is not for this post. But, my music list is 😊 ♫
It’s a long one, so I’ll get straight to it – Now, you guys know, it's not a playlist if it hasn't got a NAME! it's important, right?
OMG! well done if you made it down here! That's a fucking long list! How'd you do it?!
So, that's my March playlist and my favourite song, that I thrashed is #41 - Niykee Heaton / Bad intentions ^,^ haha OH. and my homie Ed Sheeran - Shape of you!
Share your songs with me if you want, I'm always keen for new sounds hehe.
Stay happy, Keep smiling XX
So, I didn’t upload a new blog last Thursday – BUT, I had a legit reason, PROMISE!
My plan was always going to be a “challenge” post, but what was meant to be a “shopping-on-a-given-budget” challenge turned into something completely different! Still a challenge none the less.
Now, I am a member of #NZBloggers – Facebook group, and, I was casually browsing through…is it called newsfeed if it’s in a group?? Or the discussion thingy?? OMG! I never know what to call it when it comes to this shit!? I was scrolling up and down anyway! Pretty sure you get what I mean! Otherwise too bad! I’ve totally gone WAY OFF track haha WTF!!!
Just… just go click the pic to join the group if you’re an NZ blogger! It’s a fun place to be ^,^
SO! As I was saying! – I was scrolling through NZBloggers’ newsfeed (yup, I’m going with newsfeed, guys!) and I stumbled upon a post made by another member of the group…
& with the way I had been feeling (downer’ moments, a fuck-load of them for the past few weeks), when I saw this post I was like, 😲 FUCK YESSSS!!! (not in those words, but, yaknow, close enough lol), I need that in my life, like, RIGHT NOW! I didn’t even hesitate to do it!
What better way to help #refresh my little black soul, than to get on board with the #EM challenge for a week. But, I had no idea what “EM” or “DEAR EM” even was!? I thought, SHIT! I better do some research!
What would we do without good ol’ technology huh! – because I don’t think I would’ve found this information in a Library.
EM is a safe place for young women. It allows a place of voice, helps and encourages to find ways to be stronger & more confident with being able to manage all kinds of stressful situations. It’s also there to help raise awareness/recognize sexual harm. It is there to learn to support one another!
EM also has three main goals –
For more info. go here >> http://www.dearem.nz/embrace <<
I LOVE what they stand for and for what they are doing! YOU NEED TO GO CHECK OUT THE SITE!!! Yes, I type-yelled that, and yes, I did it on purpose!!!!
OKAY, OKAY! – back to the challenge.
As stated in the post by Lizzy; it is an Instagram challenge. I have only JUST become part of “The Gram Fam”. I had no interest in the whole “Instagram” world, but with, getting into blogging, social media is an important ingredient for getting my stuff out into the big bad world! So, I took the plunge and joined the movement! And, by taking part in this challenge, it helped with my new-found love, which is now, more like, an obsession.
So, for 7 – days we follow the list (ohhh fuck! I love a good list!!! You know this about me!!!) above and post on our Instagram, with our interpretations of what is on said list. OH. And #hashtag a few things like; - #DearEM #DearEm_nz #Refreshyourfeed & of course, anything else you want.
Here is my #DEAREM CHALLENGE –
DAY 1: “A selfie to introduce the challenge”
Anyone who knows me, would know that I am VERY “anti-selfies” for myself due to issues I have with… well, myself. And, I won’t lie – when I saw that day 1 required a selfie, I died 7, 000 deaths!!! I started coming up with all kinds of insane ideas for possible selfie-shots. “wear a mask, cake-face it” etc. etc. But, I soldiered it and HELLOOOOO selfie!! And, I believe, if it wasn’t for this challenge I wouldn’t have bothered! I had fun doing day 1.
DAY 2: “A place that refreshes & restores”
The Hamilton Lake – I love nature the most! & even though the lake water is yuck, and, there’s duck/geese & other bird shits’ on the pathways… I LOVE the lake walk! It’s so refreshing just to be out and about, walking (in my case, driving my electric chair) round’ it! Not only is it refreshing but it’s lovely bumping into everyone else that’s out doing the same thing! Or the doggies that go round with their humans.
It’s nice to escape the concrete jungle, even if it is just a 4km walk around the lake and the concreteness of it all is just across the road.
DAY 3: “something you do to relax”
I don’t even think an explanation is necessary 😊. It’s pretty self-explanatory AND I included a little novel up there ^^ . that book though! 😉 😉. Don’t be lazy! go read it! #SilverSwan. kloveubyexx
DAY 4: “something beautiful you noticed today”
This little man right here is SO SO loved! He’s the King of our castle. I was naughty and went against rules – because fuck rules! Do what I like! Ha!, bought him and organized to go pick him up once he was ready for his forever home with us ^,^ BEST rule I’ve ever broken! Two years on and Jirugi is still the King of our castle & is still loved SO SO much.
Initially he wasn’t going to be my day 4, but he HAS TO have ALL of the attention on him – even if it’s a tree or a flower. EVRYTHING is competition, don’t ya know!
Day 4, fits perfectly with him as my “something beautiful I noticed today”, right!!! 😊 ❤
DAY 5: “something you eat or drink to refuel”
Subway!? OMG. Life saver for a few reasons:
DAY 6: “someone who replenishes you”
DAY 7: “a quote you love, that refreshes your spirit”
This little week long challenge was awesome! It wasn’t overwhelming (sometimes, I find challenges like these SO daunting, idk why!?). It was fun, motivating, refreshing and inspiring. You should do it ^,^ I’d love to see how yours turn out!
I LOVE what the EM community/project is all about!!! And, I’m so excited for future challenges (if they run more). I will definitely be stalking (in a non-crazy way) the shit out of the EM site – because I have major FOMO and don’t want to miss anything!
Get involved, guys! 😊😊😊
STAY HAPPY, KEEP SMILING! x
I’m not sure what kills me more – the announcements of the Pre-sale date & time, having to wait for that date and time, making payment (making sure Account name is correct AND Account numbers are correct – you DO NOT want to fuck those up, they’re VITAL wee things!), OR, having to hopefully secure a spot so I don’t miss out (it’s every girl for themselves once it’s on!), orrrr is it having to wait another 7, 000 weeks (oiiii! When I’m excited, shit feels like it’s
7, 000 times longer!) for it to arrive?!
To be honest – it ALL kills me! I can’t handle suspense, SERIOUSNESS! But, (there is always a but!) it is ALL worth it!
The anticipation and excitement to the first announcement is where it begins. Information and instructions are given in detail. – I’ve actually talked about the process of it over on the blog, in a previous post. >> CLICK HERE <<
So, when the announcement of Pre-sale for the first MUO BEAUTY BOX was made public, it was all on!!
…Let the race begin, bitches ^,^
When I said; it’s every girl for themselves, once it’s on, I wasn’t lying! – because it really is.
What’s all the fuss about though? Well, the VERY limited and all exclusive MUO BEAUTY BOXES of course! I’m sorry, but have you been living under a rock with Patrick Starr?! How can you not know!? I’ve raved about em’ on the blog more than once! I even voice it to anyone that will listen to my annoying voice haha. IT IS NOT A SECRET!!!
I’ve been very fortunate to have purchased all 8 so far, which brings me to the purpose of today’s post – recently, a group of us, some old, some newbies received MUO BEAUTY BOX #8! Wooooooaaahhh!!! Let me tell you, this has been my favourite box. I thought the previous 7 were my favs. each time, but, I spoke WAY too soon! Don’t get me wrong, I loved the previous ones, but holyyyy molyyyy! Kirsty & the Team of babes seriously, SERIOUSLY upped their game with box #8!
Should I save the yip yappin’ and get straight into things? – because I’m bursting at the seams with excitement and want to let it all out, like, YESTERDAY!!!!
OKAY! OKAY! – Let me put us all out of our misery!!
Can I just say; the fucking suspense from waiting absolutely slayed me!! I went from being suuuuper excited for all the other babes who had been receiving theirs, to – pulling my eyeballs out because I wanted mine ha ha.
Truth be told – I even resorted to, what felt to me, like, I was being a stalker and friended a chick from the group who had received hers, and asked her to send me a photo of what was inside her box… her MUO BEAUTY BOX ya dirty bastards!
Well, she took it a step further and sent me a VIDEO of it all!!! OMFG! Thank you SUUUHHH MUCH Bronwyn Mau you saved me from pulling my eyeballs out of their sockets. Plus, we have a mutual friend on Facey, so that automatically made us homies! ^,^
THEN - This little badbitch turned up on my door step on 15/3/17. uhhh, I was so fucking excited to say the least. So much satisfaction was had from just having the unopened package.
… it is the closest you’ll get to seeing my box 😊 especially since I’ve already emptied it & thrown it away!
But, before it got tossed away – let’s take a look inside my box 😉
What a bloody tease, right??! Don’t worry, I gotchu’ girrrrl ❤
Boys and girls, Let me introduce – MUO BEAUTY BOX #8 (the first MUO BEAUTY BOX of 2017)
This badbitch was an $80.00 purchase, but valued at $370.00 (possibly even more)!!! How fucking spoilt are we?! SERRRIIIOUSSS!!!
The contents blew my mind! I was SO gob smacked when I opened this baby. My all-time FAV. yet!!! Where do I even start though??! cos, I mean – I could just sit here and stare at these all the days and all the nights! My sister doesn’t get how I can do that?! Like, doesn’t the temptation of all the products just yell out at me to touch and play with them??!! Yes, of course they bloody do!
…but first, let’s take 7, 000 pictures of em’ all!
NOW. Shall we get into the nitty-gritty shit?! Individual pics & info.? Me thinks yes! I had prepped myself for this part as I knew I was going to need to visit Mr. Google.com to help with details – I wasn’t looking forward to it, to be honest. Look! I just don’t have the patience for that today. I need food. And, I need coffee… well, I’ve had both, but I need them both, again 😊
Geez! I am spoilt – Wifey must’ve read my mind because she brought me food AND coffee. I like mine strong and black 😉
ANYWAY – back to the important things now that I’m fuelled up again!
PRODUCTS AND DETAILS. All information was gathered and put together by the beautiful Kirsty Leigh.
You’ll find her over on any of the MUO social media sites >>
Go look her up, she’s an amazing little kitty!!
Let’s start with –
- Makeup Remover Cloths.
COST: $19.99 for two – that’s right! Not one but TWO!!
The Simply Essential Makeup Remover Cloths allow you to gently and effectively remove all your makeup including waterproof and long wear makeup with just water- no cleanser needed!
Disclaimer from Kirsty – please still use cleanser :O These are lovely to use WITH skincare products.
TIP – also fab to remove face masks.
- The Body Shop Ethiopian Honey Deep Nourishing Mask.
COST: RRP $39.95
Cocoon your skin in moisture with our Ethiopian Honey Deep Nourishing Mask. Inspired by African healing and soothing rituals, our 100% vegetarian indulgent melting honey face mask drizzles together Community Trade honey, marula and olive oils for a luxurious experience.
It’s also been formulated without parabens, paraffin, silicone or mineral oil. With an irresistible scent, this face mask leaves skin feeling supremely nourished, replenished and rested. Use together with our Facial Mask Brush for a truly pampering facial at home.
Available at The Body Shop stores nationwide.
- Hask Argan Oil Hot Oil
COST: RRP $5.20
Hask Argan Oil Leave-In Hot Oil Treatment is a deep penetrating treatment, perfect for dry, damaged hair. It dramatically revitalises your hair by restoring moisture into your damaged strands.
Available at Farmers, pharmacies and selected department stores
- Elizabeth Arden Beautiful Color Bold Defining 24HR Liquid Eye Liner
COST: RRP $49.00
This smooth liquid eyeliner defines eyes with bold, high impact colour with the lasting benefits of 24-hour wear. The micro-fine applicator tip glides on with ease to create a precise, calligraphy-like look directly on the lash line. The applicator is ideal for creating a range of makeup looks from delicate everyday or classic cat eye to high drama and runway-ready. The buildable formula is waterproof, smudge proof, transfer proof, sweat proof, and quick drying.
Available at all Elizabeth Arden counters
- Extraordinary Oil Oil-in-Cream by L’Oréal Paris Elvive
COST: RRP $9.95
How to use – Extraordinary Oil Oil-in-Cream by L’Oréal Paris Elvive provides the nourishment of an oil combined with the moisture of a cream. Instantly absorbed, oil-in-cream penetrates each hair fibre to intensely nourish hair without making it greasy or weighing it down. Made with six rare flower oils. Use as a primer or a finishing touch on wet or dry hair.
Stockists – Available at selected supermarkets and pharmacies
- Manuka Doctor Drops of Crystal Beautifying Bi-Phase Oil 30ml
COST: RRP $49.95
Evens skin tone
Brightens your complexion
Helps plump and firm your skin
Shake well. Apply three to four drops on a freshly cleansed face. Follow with Cashmere Touch Serum and Cashmere Touch Cream. Apply morning and night.
Stockists - http://www.manukadoctor.co.nz/where-to-buy
- Avene Cold Cream Body Lotion
COST: NZD $36.90, 400ml
The Cold cream Body lotion holds all the moisturizing qualities of Cold Cream in a particularly soft and fluid formula adapted for body application. Hypoallergenic and non-comedogenic
Nourishing and protective
Thanks to its high Cold cream content and its oils.
Anti-irritating and soothing
Thanks to its high Avène Thermal Spring Water concentration.
Thanks to its allantoin-based formula
- Goodness Day Cream Every Morning 75ml
- NYX Gel Liner and Smudger
- The BrowGal Eyebrow Gel
For those who rely on a brow pencil to shade or darken their eyebrows, the eyebrow gel is a clear gel that will go over the filler and hold the shape and colour of your brow. The gel is water and sweat resistant for the everyday person on the move.
Medium to firm hold
Wears all day
Clear, undetectable finish
- Dermalogica daily superfoliant
COST: $30.00, 15g / $109.00 57g
Resurfacing, anti-pollution powder exfoliant
This highly - active resurfacer’ delivers your smoothest skin ever, and helps fight the biochemical and environmental triggers known to accelerate skin ageing
How to use - After cleansing, dispense about a half-teaspoon into very wet hands and create a creamy paste by rubbing hands together. Apply to face in circular motions, avoiding the eye area. Massage gently for one minute, then rinse thoroughly with warm water. Use daily. For more sensitive skin, apply on alternate days until skin acclimates.
- L’Oreal Paris Clay Mask
COST: RRP $24.99
- Trilogy Gentle Facial Exfoliant
COST: RRP $43.99
Remove surface debris and improve skin clarity with our gentle and effective exfoliating treatment. Formulated with natural, biodegradable and non-abrasive jojoba wax spheres, Gentle Facial Exfoliant gently polishes the complexion, refining its texture and improving clarity without irritation or compromising the skin’s natural barrier function.
How To Apply -Gently massage into damp skin using circular motions. Rinse with warm water and pat dry. Use 1-2 times weekly or as required.
- Skin & Tonic Body Cleanser
COST: RRP $7.49
The Anti-aging miracle Acai Berry packs an antioxidant punch known to be more powerful than blueberries. Rich in amino acids, essential fatty acids (omega 3, 6 & 9) and skin loving vitamins B, C & E. Acai Berries are renowned for protecting against free radicals for smooth gorgeous skin.
Skin & Tonic body cleansers are available at supermarkets.
- Moroccan oil Treatment
COST: RRP $33.50, 25ml / $67.00, 100ml
Experience the power of Moroccanoil, a revolutionary styling, finishing and conditioning product. Instantly absorbing, Moroccanoil Oil Treatment helps eliminate frizz, easily detangles your locks and provides long term conditioning for added bounce.
For Styling and Finishing:
Apply a small amount onto your palms and work through damp hair after shampooing.
Style as usual.
Stockist - http://www.hairproductsonline.co.nz/shop/moroccanoil?sort=20a&page=6
- Only Good Cleanser
COST: RRP $13.90
With the goodness & natural power of Organic Aloe Vera, Jojoba & Marshmallow, infused with Orange Blossom, this oil free cleansing gel lifts away dirt & oil without stripping essential moisture. Your skin will feel instantly refreshed & renewed.
DIRECTIONS FOR USE:
LATHER ONTO FACE & NECK. RINSE WELL WITH WARM WATER, PAT SKIN DRY THEN APPLY ONLY GOOD SERUM, DAY OR NIGHT CREAM. PATCH TEST FIRST. IF IRRITATION OCCURS, DISCONTINUE USE.
Only Good is available from leading supermarkets, selected pharmacies & Health Food retailers nationwide.
- Bon Tampons
COST: RRP $7.49
BON Health Group provides premium 100% certified organic womens hygiene products that are made from 100% organic cotton.
Using BON eliminates the risk of coming in contact with potentially harmful chemicals (herbicides, pesticides, and chlorine to name the main culprits) and any fragrances. This not only significantly reduces the risk of toxic shock syndrome, but has reduced skin irritations and cramps in women who have used BON tampons.
- L'Oréal Le Vernis à L'Huile by Colour Riche
COST: RRP $11.99
OUR FIRST NAIL POLISH ENRICHED WITH A BLEND OF PRECIOUS OILS, FOR THE MOST INTENSE COLOUR AND SHINE IN ONE STROKE.
Intense colour, oil-shine
- Moreish Skincare Day Cream
COST: RRP $22.40, 50ml
A nutrient-rich cream to condition and restore your face and neck. For normal to dry or mature skin.
A comprehensive blend of oils moisturise the skin, restoring the protective skin barrier and reduce moisture loss, while regenerative and antioxidant properties improve skin texture and reduce the appearance of fine lines.
With Argan, Vitamin E, Blueberry for anti-ageing & restoring
Stockists - selected supermarkets nationwide
- Designer Brands Beyond Amplifying Mascara
COST: RRP $16.99
Zig-zag mascara brush from base of lash line, working your way up to the ends of lashes. Repeat steps for extra length and volume. Removal: only when you are ready, mascara can be removed with warm water and gentle pressure. The tiny tubes will effortlessly glide off your lashes.
For best results, apply DB Lash Primer to clean lashes before mascara application.
- Maybelline FaceStudio Master Strobing Stick Illuminating Highlighter
Adds dimension and enhances features. The lightweight, creamy texture and micro-fine pearls combine to boost skin glow for a targeted highlight. Easy application - just swipe and blend!
Available at Farmers and Pharmacy.
- Mellow Cosmetics Liquid Lip Paint
OMFG!!!! I envy Kirsty Leigh! I could NOT have done that without wishing to chop my hair off in patches!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH KIRSTY!!!! You my love not only saved my life & hair BUT you also saved Kate from being moidered by me, because well, you know that saying; “we take it out on the ones we love and who are closest to us” – tag, Kate’s it for me ^,^ but, because of you, she gets to live another day hehe!
AND – as for you guys (my little reading-whores ❤), I hope this post has been both, exciting and informative for ya’s!
Keep a look out for the next Pre-Sale date/day for the up&coming #MUOBEAUTYBOX#9, that way, you too, might get to have the chance to experience the hype, the excitement, the happiness of this beautiful, amazing box!
Again, THANK YOU KIRSTY LEIGH & CO. for yet another successful MUO Beauty Box!
Stay happy, Keep smiling XX
Even though I haven’t finished my “Time – Line” section over on the ATTSS website yet (no surprise there, as I am Queen of procrastination), ANNNDDD I haven’t been very consistent with posting on due days lately… But, it is no secret to many of you that I am in a wheelchair, right? *& the crowd goes AWWWW* - don’t do that, please. Just. Don’t. because, it’s not cool, OK?! :)
It’s just a wheelchair and it’s just a disability! They do not make me contagious and they certainly do not define who I am as a person.
Although, it’s frustrating as FUCK at times! Come onnn! imagine no fingers, feet, legs, semi-upper, full lower body parts that work anymore (mine haven’t done so, in like, 18years) – that would drive anyone to the fuck you cunt bin now and then, wouldn’t it?! OH!! and I forgot to mention the fact that I can’t even shit in complete privacy. So yaknow, give me a little break, guys!
But, I’m here!… and I’m still living the life I have, the best way I can!!! And it’s going pretty fucking sweet – because, why wouldn’t it? OHHHH…did you…wait!...did you think the wheelchair or disability…or BOTH… *yawnssss! took away from being able to have a sweet and happy life?! Like, seriously??! And, if this is the case, then we can no longer remain friends! Hmm…
I mean, it’s not all Mary Poppins’, that would just be way too boring for me! But for the most part, I live a very rich quality-of-life, filled with LOVE, A PARTNER-IN-CRIME, FAMILY, FRIENDS, CARE, GOOD HEALTH and a long list of sooo much more!!! All of which, I am very grateful & thankful for.
HOWEVER, recently though – I forgot my way and ended up allowing little invisible demons to intrude on my mind space. And… well… they fucked with my-train-of-thought. I won’t even blame them, I allowed them to invade it! and slowly but surely all I could see was dark clouds. My mind was foggy. Filled with negative SHIT. Just call me; Negative fucking Nancy or Debbie Downer!!
Now, I go through these bastard stints every so often and it is not a fucking walk in the park! It’s not even a wheel in the damned park!!! And, everything good & positive in my life just vanishes out of thought… out of sight for me – I’m not blind, I just lose all the fluffy feels, my life is the shittiest life of all lives and then all kinds of uglies join my little party. It is not my kind of party! Wait… was I even invited? Pfftt. More like forced to be there! I hate that party. Ew. & the fact that I’ve used the word party 7, 000 times (well, only 3 times) in the same paragraph, annoys me. Because, it just does.
ANYWAY. I’m NOT about that shit (the pity parties in my head). I’m here right now, to share my HAPPIES with anyone or everyone who can be bothered reading them. I personally think you should just be bovvid, mate!!! Espesh. If you’re having a shitty time!
I want to share my happies not only with you guys but also, because I needed and wanted to remind myself to not be a downer. And remind myself that, I actually live a fucking amazing life!! And, yaknow, maybe it might help you or someone you know, to do the same – because, we humans often forget that, even the little things in our lives matter, and we should and need to remember the things that make us HAPPY!!!
So, my little reading-whores, these are 5 things that make me happy!!!
Ahhh! Of course my #1 HAPPY is this crazy, funny, grumpy, caring, selfless, opinionated, know-it-all, sensitive, sarcastic, potty-mouthed, amazing cunt who has been right by my side since day 1!!! Like any other couple or couple-to-be, we were put through the trials and tests but we came out on top!
This beautiful soul knows how to push EVERY fuck you button in me! But it doesn’t change the fact that only she can make me 100% happy – she’s my happy! Love her face so much!!!
#appreciateHER #LOVEher #shesMYhappy #mynumber1 #myLOVE #blessedtohaveHER
FUR BABIES ❤
Right. So, anyone who knows me, would definitely know that our fur babies are our kids! Shadow, Candy, Sephora, Lily, Jirugi & Harvest ❤ they make my crappy shit faaade away with their unconditional love and affections they give. How can that not make me happy?!
Each of them have their own little unique personalities that always amaze me! I could honestly watch them for hours! It makes me happy that they chose us to be their human!
#loveTHEM #6furbabies #SixTimesTheTroubles #worthit #SCSLJH #myHAPPY
NATURE + OCEAN ❤
I’m such a country girl at heart. Grew up being a water baby. Being out in nature or the ocean is SO refreshing! It clears away any shitty jujuz I’m going through and my mind, body & soul begins to feel alive and most definitely HAPPY!!!
Sometimes, it’s nice to be out with nature or on or near the ocean! Away from concrete. Technology. People – mainly people, because sometimes… I can’t stand people. #sorrynotsorry
#beONEwithnature #myHAPPY #theOcean&me #breatheIN #breatheOUT #refreshing #beautiful
WTF right!? I’m one lazy ass mofo at the best of times, BUT! This shit brings out the happy I crave for! believe it or not! I can’t believe it myself. Fuck, I surprised ME when I typed fitness!
I may have no fingers, feet, legs, semi-upper, full lower body parts that work anymore but I love using what I do have left to see how far I can be pushed or push myself. & with more and more progress I make, the happier I become!
#myHAPPY #isthistrue?! #Fitness&ME
I saved this badbitch for last. Don’t get shit twisted, I have a fucking LONG list of things that make me happy and give me fluffy feels but aint nobody got time for my endless list haha. I’M SERIOUS! You don’t even know how hard it is for me to not share it with yous though!
ANYWAY – back to myhappy #5!!
ATTSS: all the things she said. This is MY baby! My place, my playground to share, say, express however, whenever, whyever (yes I just made that up 😊) I want! Writing has always been a passion of mine, so, to be able to write with freedom is what makes me superfucking-happy! I love it SO much! Everything about my ATTSS makes me happy!
Having a small audience/following makes me happy as well! It doesn’t bother me at all, if I don’t have or don’t reach 1,000 people, yes, it is a goal of mine to reach high/er figures but it’s not top priority, it would be a bonus 😊, but, as long as I am writing & creating – I am HAPPY!!!
#myHAPPY #myATTSS #mybaby #myplayground
SO. There ya have it, my happies! What are yours? Share them with me, I’d love to read them. or, if not with me, then with someone else! K, GO! 😊
Stay happy, Keep smiling XX
Before you and I became friends, I was always in pain – the kind that usually couldn’t be seen, so to the world of humans, it seemed like my pain was either non-existent (I’m tempted to say “like my tits”, but I shouldn’t! – but… I did anyway, oops! Sorry, I think it’s funny – because, it is! Well I giggle every time haha) or it was all in my head! Yaknow, it’s funny how we judge on things that we can’t see or feel for ourselves, that others are going through huh!
My stress levels were high and my mood swings were fucking ridiculous! – because I had hit, yaknow “those” vital stages in life for a girl; periods, drama-queen, parent-issues, sibling-issues etc. all the good shit.
My depressive moments were (still can be) frequent visitors, but I became a pro-pretender – who the hell wants a pity party?? Not fucking me that’s for sure.
And due to my accident, I’ve been on and off pills, pills and fucking more pills since I was 12yrs old – my body wasn’t the same after said accident. Spasms, restlessness, fatigue, insomnia, phantom pains, nausea, constant infections, brain-overload. You name it, I bet I’ve had it!
Anxiety was introduced to me over the years. A fuckload of built up anger revealed itself.
And soon… I’d just want to escape!... from everything – reality, pain, stress, the bubble I was stuck in, health shit… THE LOT!
I do have a confession though – I hated you before I got to know you, and the qualities you have! I was so against you and thought you had stolen my favourite cousin from me. I hated you! Then one day, I thought fuck it! I wana’ meet Mary!!! I wana’ know what the big fucking deal was about you! And you know what? That day changed my train-of-thought about you! I’m sorry I had ugly vibes towards you!
HOWEVER – we’ve known each other since I was 16, right, Mary? But, we weren’t allowed to be associated with each other, my Mum would’ve flipped the fuck out, remember?!…oh…you probably don’t huh?! We had to be secret buds for years! – because Mum would think the worst of you straight away if she knew we were hanging out. She’d accuse you of doing more harm to me than good. Same with Dad, too. They were just doing their, yaknow, “parent duties” I guess?!
But, I did do, all that I could to keep you a secret – from them, certain family members, certain friends, certain people or just people in general. Kind of not something I want publicized, yaknow?! Is it not enough that I have to expose my body to “people” or even strangers on the daily? Or that I didn’t really have a personal life or space?! Why did I have to share you with anyone, anyway, Mary?! All you were doing was helping me, what the fuck was the problem??! We weren’t harming anyone.
I’m 30 now, it took NINE years to come out. I haven’t looked back since. I mean, I know we broke up for a month or two but that was because I actually thought you were the problem. It wasn’t you though, it was me. I had no self-control when it came to you. I allowed you to become my addiction rather than accepting help from you for the right places and reasons.
BUT! We found each other again and if you’re helping to eliminate some of my issues that like to play funny buggers with me, my mind, my body, my life – then by all means, I welcome you in!
Certain medications only do so much for me, or nothing at all sometimes, Mary. When you’re around though – my aches and pains fade. My spasms ease. I can focus better. I get a decent sleep. Stress and depressive moments are manageable and you help me see that, there is a silver-lining for me. And you know what? SO FUCKING WHAT if you help me to escape this world at times – I’m not the only one that wants or needs a break from reality or life for a moment. I also get relief in knowing where you came from or what you’re about!
So… Mary… I’m writing this letter to thank you!
Thank you for:
I was once scared to talk about you – because, well… you’re so judged and anyone associated with you is labelled and judged. I don’t like the judgments!
Your reputation isn’t the best, which is funny coming from humans that are probably doing worse/more harm than good on this earth! But, in saying that – it’s also due to other humans who’ve abused you, Mary! They’ve given you a bad name, too! Fucking idiot’s!
But, I’m not scared anymore! I’m just thankful you exist. I honestly reckon my mind would be a chaotic fucking mess if you weren’t around. I’ve been told though, that you’re just an excuse. You don’t actually help. You make all my problems worse. I shouldn’t rely on you.
Pffttt. But I should go with what a Psychologist says? Or, it’s all good to rely on prescription drugs? – this world can be so fucked up with its “way-of-how-things-should-go”. I mean, I’m aware that you are a Law breaker and I should’ve stayed away from you, but, all you’re doing is helping me!?! I’m not staying away, don’t worry.
I bet, if it were them dealing with illness’ or day-to-day ailments, or if they were tired of pharmaceuticals, they’d come looking for you Mary. They’d want to know you!
I wish people would give you more credit and less judgment. Look past the bad reputation that others have caused you to have due to their use & abuse. I wish they could see that, you’re not all bad!
I know you're not a complete fucking saint as well. There are shitty points to you, Mary. BUT! there are also shitty points to myself too! With everything in life, there are pro's & con's! And I choose to accept you for you on all counts.
Oh well, I better stop writing now before I write a whole book rather than a letter!
P.S - See you at 4:20, Mary!