I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN A WHILE...

I haven’t been here in a while. & I have confessions. I also have updates. Lots of updates bro! oh, and probably lots of other shit, cos I tend to go off track most times. You know what else? I’ve missed the blog as well – & of course, you guys! But that goes without say!

It’s been raining here all day. It’s still & calm right now, but freezing as fuck! – both being my favourite kinds of motivation. So, I figured it’s the perfect time to do this!!

Now, I don’t know about you, but for me and mine, 2017 had a fucking good start to it. No way were any Resolutions met at the time (haha don’t be silly! This is me after all, I write resolutions every-singe-year & usually don’t adhere to any. It’s just my thing, yaknow!), but it was still good.

My blogging was consistent, scheduling my social media posts were always on time, and even though I wasn’t getting huge audience interaction, I was still so fucking stoked that I stayed consistent & never gave up. My mind was both excited and satisfied because I had a routine and I was doing something I’ve always loved & been passionate about – writing. My health wasn’t trying to make me its’ bitch. Fitness was regular. Wifey was great. Six perfect fur babies’. Blessed with great families. Kept our circle of friends small but close. Life was with us, not against us & it felt amazing! Motivation was fucking high!!!

But, like all good things – there had to be bullshit... for me anyway! Everything mentioned in the above paragraph did a complete 360’ twist after a few months. Seriously, I’m not even being dramatic. It was a right shit-fest, I.swear.to.fuck!

I was hit with bloggers block – I had lost my mojo. Can’t schedule shit if there’s no blogs going up. My mind became clouded, boggled, blank, disengaged!!?? I was mind-fucked on so many levels. My health? Haha I got owned, I definitely got owned!! Wifey’s health owned her ass too! Fitness went from motivation levels at 100% down to like 35%. Then, mine & wifey’s hearts were torn apart and slowly ripped into a million fucking pieces when 6 became 5 then back to 6 again, ending up at 5. I’ll talk about it another time, not today though! & During the numerous times we were down & out, we quickly learnt who our real friends are. And my self-loathing and self-doubt hit an all-time high. Life had temporarily made friends with misery.

…It’s been a roller-coaster ride ever since! & it’s made me feel, well, awkward. A mild visit to the dark hole happened, and that sucked. But I climbed out and carried the fuck on. – hold on! There were still days where, everything was good. They were just mixed in with the shit-fest.

And, I know life isn’t easy, I don’t want easy. Easy = boring! But, when shits’ good for me & mine, why can’t it last longer than, what feels like 5 minutes!?... okay, okay! now that’s a bit dramatic. ANDDD??!!

Anyway, like I said; - it wasn’t all a shit-fest. Like, at one point, we finally got to meet our agencies Supervisor, bout’ time, it had been months! Of course, it had to be during the shit-fest moments; because, why wouldn’t it?! & you know what? She was lovely. I was prepared for a –” bitchfit, I hate her, never come back to my house, changing agencies” type of encounter – ohhh yes! I was a fucking she-hulk (in my mind) kind of superhero for this one ha ha. But no, none of that was necessary.

Also!! – Wifey was selected to study for her Level 4 cert. in Health & Well-being! I am so fucking proud of her. She deserves this! Oh, and we celebrated my 31st birthday (I had written a blog about it, but it was during shit-fest season for me & I deleted it, then hid away). A few babies here and there have blessed our lives. Ha. speaking of babies; we are in complete stupid love with Maverick hehe! He’s our new little Papillon boy – he came at a time when we needed him! Don’t worry, you’ll see him & his siblings probably like, every other day 😉 we’re those crazy, obsessed fur baby mums yo!

Actually - writing this post has made me see that, the good days outweighed the shit-fest, by far!!!

HOWEVER.
I need to get back on track! I can’t stay stuck in a rut. How does one do this though? Well, to be honest, I’ve been asking myself the same fucking thing. I still don’t really know, but what I find helps un-boggle my twisted mind are simple things like – sorting and organizing my cellphone (it was a tip! Shit scattered everywhere, one billion apps, unexplained photo’s etc.), I love my life-line all over again. JUST by starting off with doing that, my mind is happy (weird, I know lol). Even the weather plays its part, stormy days/nights are my fav. motivators.

I downloaded an agenda widget, this is where I’ve stored all my appointments, medical things, reminders, to-do’s, Blog scheduling, ATTSS work, ME time, FAMILY time, Fitness time etc. – basically my life! That made me SOOO happy ha ha I shit you not! ahhhhhh 😊 the satisfaction of it all!

When I feel organized, I feel motivated & it makes me want to do things, such as – my blog, ATTSS stuff, fitness, health… all the good shit!

Giving myself time limits for each thing, also helps me! otherwise, I let myself be consumed by one thing or I do seven thousand things all at once and then I get nowhere, fast. So, time limits help me! & I’m trying to not stress over minimal things, which will make me not so cunty 😊. I’m working on my confidence, more self-loving and can’t wait for the self-loathing to completely fuck itself & disappear!

*I confess, yes! I gave up and let misery take over. But, I’m here! I’m back in the game, bitch! I’m not leaving my throne again.

*I confess, yes! I lost my mojo, but I'm on my way to getting it back!

All in all – I’m focussing on positive thoughts & feeling good!, growing ATTSS, blogging my little life away, loving more & hating less! I’m excited to get back on track. I have a few projects and surprises in the works as well 😉 he he! You’ll have to stay tuned to find out!