**You’re 12yrs old.
You’ve woken up in a foreign place. Can’t move or speak. There’s no one around that is familiar. You can only move your eyes. Everything you know and love doesn’t exist here, right now and you don’t know why! You’re so confused.
All you want is your Mum & Dad.
All you’re wondering is – where are they and where are you and what are these/that!!???
**Your child is 12yrs old.
You’ve had to leave her/him in ICU after the most while you and your husband are completely devastated. Still in disbelief. Trying to hold onto some kind of belief for the sake of your child’s life. Worried about your 4 & 5yr old children you’ve had to leave back home, 9hrs away. You can’t stop the tears. Your mind is going fucking insane because the last 24hrs was the worst thing you’ve both endured.
Watching. Seeing. Your kid in a state of life or death…
The pain. The heartbreak. The stress. The worry. The sadness. The fears. EMOTIONS. Every.fucking.EMOTION ---
The cold fucking terrifying reality that you could possibly lose your 12yr old child.
how do you feel RIGHT NOW after digesting all/any of that?!
------------------------------------- That was just the beginning of the emotional rollercoaster for us…
PART 4, ready for the ride??!
I spent a week in ICU before I was ready enough to upgrade.
A LOT happened so fast, so soon! A couple of things I forgot over in part 3 – like, my Nan coming while I was still in my no voice/whispering stage...how could I forget waking up to her wet kisses?? or, asking where my cousin Ashley was and did he come with nan?! (he didn't wana be at the hospital though)
"ready" or "upgrading" was far from appealing to me! Leaving ICU wasn't a choice of mine, I had plans on staying!!
BUT. it didn't work like that…
And so, I was moved. To a different department in the hospital.
not gona lie.
I still couldn’t move.
I was still flat on my back.
& still rocking the halo.
OHH. & GUESS WHAT?!
I found out; I had BROKEN MY NECK. (we'll find out more in part 5)…
The halo wasn't going anywhere, anytime, soon! . Without it, my head/neck would be at high risk of any further damages which would result in, an even worse injury. <<--- we didn't want that, thanks!!
FLASH BACK: - Can we talk about my hair during this shitty time, real quick!? So so tragic hahaha!
There was all kinds of short, thick, and bushy hair – MY HAIR – EVERYWHERE!!! Ew! There was a photo taken as well. hopefully that fucking thing never shows its face. EVER
^ ^ that flashback came from writing this lol random.
i do & have always been particular about this frizz-mop, so i just know, that hair-do would've upset me haha!
Okay, okay! back to the story ---
I had broken my neck and badly bruised my spine. Fucking high-5 to you, Kylie!
But, that’s all I knew. I didn’t understand the extent or severity of my injury. Pretty much just thought, - “ohh yeah, I’m here. I’ll get fixed here” ... I was a kid; wouldn’t you think like I did? Cause I mean ; I was in a hospital – so ya know, automatically “I'm going to be fit as a fiddle", "hospitals fix everything! MAGIC" and ready to go home in no time.... yeaaaah , NAH!!
ANYWAY – One of the things I remember with upgrading/moving to a different ward, is the elevator ride there!
Wooow Kylie! Out of everything, that’s the only thing you have memories of?! and I can still see it now, and as I type this shit out, it's almost as if I'm lying back in that fucking bed.
I couldn’t see shit on the bottom floor - uhh , i think that has a bit to do with the fact that I was still flat on my back.
But, Mum made sure to describe it to me as we went up… “They’ve built a huge Sky Tower building out of lego pieces, the Radio Lollipop Station is just over there (it’s a radio station that would operate throughout the entire hospital, kids of all ages could even call in and request songs or do shout outs'), anddd McDonalds’ is just over there – me & Dad go there lots!”.
YES! It use to have McDonald’s – do you know any other hospital that had that?! (I mean, it’s gone now because, health industry 🤭)
Now, the view from my angle of what I can see as we’re going up in the elevator?
I can see a big giant orange Tigger the tiger in a gliding position coming from the ceiling (no! I hadn't had my morphine hit at that time either! So, I'm not tripping haha), I can see brightness. I love this elevator ride! It’s definitely a hospital for children!
It made me excited and happy, it was like, my initial fears had disappeared.
The elevator ide was short lived though. And before I knew it...
we had reached our new destination (well, the new floor) and hello those fears and nerves reappeared.
Instantly, I decided; "NOPE! don't like it!" - I'm such a fucking Taurus!
& from memory (which BTW is shit), but I feel like the walls were dark blue or maroon? with kiddie patterns or pictures on them?!
I think that's what I saw, as my bed was being maneuvered carefully around corners and people, down hallways etc. (I mean, I know that's not really an important detail, but, it's just another thing I've always "remembered", that's all)
We stopped!!? ...
Then, a slight little turn...
...soooo, this is my new room huh!
It was a lot brighter than my room in ICU. There was also a huge window... that I couldn't see out of – it showed off the beauty of the SkyTower.
Being the country girl that I am, I was actually oblivious to what that even was back then haha!
“Helllooo, Kylie? I’m Zane"... I wasn't rude, I said hello back like a shy little puppy-dog🤭
Zane was a quirky little character; average height, short clean cut hair, glasses and a weak stomach for snot/phlegm. – he was one of my regulars and was a nurse I’d soon form a bond with.
AND this was the start of the next stage to whatever I (& my family) would have to endure.
I don't remember every day of being there, only bits & pieces of the days that I was!
And because I was flat on my back, i couldn't see shit & up and side-to-side with my eyes were my limits...
well, the Therapists came up with the idea to attach mirrors to my bed – adjustable ones too! talk about GENIUS yo!
And, for the next 3 weeks spent in Starship - I was able to see out my window & every night I got to see the Sky tower, it was pretty amazing! Being from a tiny town and seeing that kind of thing - it was magical.
Those mirrors saved my soul <3
OH shit! – while I remember; I was still Nil-By-Mouth!! Wtf, right?! And all I could think about was SCRAMBLED EGGS Haha! AND hash browns, I would obsess over them the whole time!
Food was the least of my worries though, because I mean, reality was, if I ate at that time I probably would have choked to death – not even exaggerating!
I remember getting my first phone call, it was my aunty Paula – now, at the time she lived down Gore street, right next to the park.
There's only one part of that conversation, that I remember SO clearly though...
*Paula gets kids to yell out to Caroline, who happened to be at the park*
“Caroline; you & James SAVED ME, aye?!!"
...But guys, I'm saving their story for part 5..
See you there ;)